by Jenn Pipe
I want to start today by dropping a truth bomb: Not everyone is going to like you and even fewer people in this world will love you. The only thing that matters at the end of the day is whether YOU like you. Knowing this gives you the freedom to redirect the energy you spend trying to please everyone else into something far more rewarding: pleasing yourself.
I want to bring us back to basics and encourage us to be trailblazers in the oft shied-away-from area of LOVING OURSELVES! Let’s face it, loving ourselves is exactly what multiple facets of society (I’m talking to you, Beauty Industry) don’t want you to do.
It is a revolutionary act. An empowering act. An act that will change the trajectory of your life and propel you to inner peace.
My zone of genius is the work I do with both adolescent girls and women—two segments of society that find it incredibly difficult to love themselves fully and completely because the systems are rigged against them. Females, regardless of age, have been asked to look to the left and the right at the same time. Be bold but not bossy. Be sexy but not slutty. Be confident but not conceited. Be skinny and curvy—but not too curvy because too curvy is considered fat. Want the hamburger but choose the salad. Go for the career but expect glass ceilings. Don’t be a victim because it is usually the victim’s fault. Please others first. Be as small as humanly possible so as not take up too much literal and metaphorical space.
The times, they are a-changing (at an agonizingly slow pace, but changing nonetheless)! Look at the many of the cultural movements we are seeing right now. They all have their roots firmly anchored in radical self-love. The All Bodies Are Beautiful movement, the Black Lives Matter movement, the Feminist movement, and Women’s Marches, the LGBTQ movement—these are groups of people saying, “We love ourselves. We matter. We belong. We deserve a spot at the table. We refuse to be marginalized anymore.” It is a bold, beautiful, audacious thing and I have such fierce admiration for all the love warriors who are leading the way.
Self-love is not an act of conceit. It is not selfish. It is not foolish or frivolous. It is a foundational ingredient of good mental health. It gives you a sure footing. Equally as advantageous, it is an essential stop on the path to loving others. We can’t give others what we don’t ourselves possess (time, money, confidence, empathy, etc), and in order to GIVE love, you have to first learn how to BE love!
How?
How do we love ourselves in a world that tells us we are wrong, unfit, unworthy?
We start small. We get deliberate. We carve out time. We settle for nothing less than divine, holy, unconditional love from ourselves and from those around us.
Don’t let other people dull your shine
Seek out people who willingly and regularly lift you up, encourage you to be bigger, bolder, braver, and want for you to be the best version of you. If you don’t currently have these people in your life, find them. They are out there, and trust me – they are looking for you, too.
Quit shitting on yourself
Self-deprecating humor is still self-deprecating. Stop using it as a defense mechanism, a coping mechanism, and a tool to fit in. This used to be my shtick. If I fell short of expectations, I would put myself down so others wouldn’t have to. I would beat them to the punch. See, aren’t I funny? Isn’t that witty? No. It wasn’t. It sucked. Ultimately, it did more harm than good.
Females, regardless of age, have been asked to look to the left and the right at the same time. Be bold but not bossy. Be sexy but not slutty. Be confident but not conceited. Be skinny and curvy—but not too curvy
Jenn Pipe
Make friends with your mirror
Find a mirror, look yourself in the eye, and say “I love you”. Do this OUT LOUD without breaking eye contact and mean it! Bonus points if you can say it when you are naked (trust me: that adds a whole new layer of vulnerability to this exercise). This is likely going to make you tremendously uncomfortable. Commit to doing this every day until you can say it authentically, without breaking into a sweat or breaking down in tears. When it gets comfortable…keep doing it for the rest of your life.
Forgive yourself and show yourself some grace
Do not beat yourself up over your flaws or shortcomings. Don’t get stuck in the shoulda-coulda-wouldas. We are all imperfect. Like one of my favorite mentors told me, “There are no mistakes, there are only opportunities for growth.” Frame your self-talk with more empowering observations like, “This is what I learned from__________. This is how I can choose to do things differently next time.”
Stay in your lane
Stop comparing and contrasting. Stop making yourselves crazy wondering whether or not you measure up to some imaginary, nonexistent standard, or the woman next door. You are going to make yourself miserable. Stay in your own lane and work on YOU. Period. The only person you should ever compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday.
Jenn Pipe is a passionate, self-taught entrepreneur who shares her soul through creativity, writing, and art-based mediums. Her growing business, Self Esteem Through Art, brings art-based empowerment to ALL, regardless of perceived artistic ability. Jenn is on a mission to positively impact the world through the healing combination of community and creativity. She has created a supportive, uplifting environment where you can feel empowered and alive—a place where people lose themselves in artistic platforms while simultaneously finding themselves again.
