by Twyla Rey
As women in today’s society, we’ve learned how to conform who we are. We’ve learned to be quiet. To be wholesome. To be seen and not heard. We’ve learned to be what’s expected of us. We’ve learned how to fit into the mold and not make waves. We’ve had people’s version of enough define us and tell us all the ways we don’t measure up.
It starts with hearing two little words “too much”.
How many times have you heard you’re too much?
Too demanding, too sensitive, too much to handle, too dramatic,too emotional, too loud, the list goes on and on.
These are just some of the ways we are told we are too much. And as children when we hear too much it means something is wrong with us. After all, would you be reprimanded for something that was right? And because something is wrong with us then it must be changed, nipped in the butt, fixed. More importantly, it sends a message that we are unlovable. Because if the people who are supposed to accept and love us unconditionally can’t then what does that mean for everyone else. And then we wonder where the feelings and fears of being rejected come from.
It starts with being able to recognize that you have censored yourself. Once you have realized this and accepted it then it’s time to identify the ways you have. These are often the little ways you’ve hit the edit button on who you are in order to fit the standard. The standard other’s have created that determines how you operate inside the box. It’s the ways we stand at the back of the crowd instead of on the stage, stay silent when we’d prefer to speak up or smile when we want to cry.
When we’ve been told we’re too much to handle we often shelter or keep parts of who we are hidden. We don’t want to burden people so we only show them what we think they can handle. We keep secrets and don’t tell them what’s really going on in our lives because we need to be and act a certain way. We can never be or have anything out of place. We at all times need have it all together, because what will people think of us if we don’t. We will appear weak, broken and incapable. The illusion and appearance of having it all together is what is hurting so many women. We are so afraid of being judged and not being perfect that we will run ourselves into exhaustion trying to keep up with appearances instead of ask for help.
When we’ve been told we’re too much to handle we often shelter or keep parts of who we are hidden. We don’t want to burden people so we only show them what we think they can handle.
Twyla Rey
Letting people in can be one of the hardest things to do. And when we are used to being strong and saving face it can be extremely vulnerable. But there’s no reward in being the one who didn’t ask for help. There’s no one singing your praises, telling you how exceptional you are (well maybe there is) because you’ve done it all alone. There’s no high five’s and accolades coming your way so ask for help. Ask for the support that you need. Ask for the break that may be keeping you from a meltdown. Reach out and be honest. Be honest about what it is that you’re going through. Talk to a neighbour if you need help with your kids and have no support around.
I ask you to take off the mask. Take off the mask and be too much. Take off the mask and be heard. Take off the mask and be a noisemaker. Take off the mask and be unapologetic. Take off the mask and be who you were created to be. Take off the mask and just BE.
