When Forgiveness Turns to Shame
Lately, probably because of Easter, the internet has been flooded with “Judas ate too” and “we are all Judas” memes—trying to make the case that because Jesus shared a meal with Judas, we should sit peacefully with our betrayers and practice radical forgiveness. On the surface, it sounds gracious, even holy. But if you look closer, this narrative is dangerous—especially for those who have been deeply hurt.
Here’s why:
1. It Blurs Boundaries Between Forgiveness and Abuse
Saying “we are all Judas” implies that everyone betrays and fails in the same way. It downplays the real harm caused by people who choose evil and refuse to repent. Forgiveness is sacred, but it doesn’t mean enduring abuse, manipulation, or ongoing betrayal. Your safety and healing must come first.
2. It Feeds Victim-Shaming Culture
This message quietly—or not so quietly—tells survivors, “If you’re not willing to keep ‘dining with Judas,’ you’re unforgiving, un-Christian, or not loving enough.” That’s toxic. It pressures people into unhealthy relationships or to pretend wounds aren’t real just to avoid being labeled as ungracious or harsh.
3. It Misrepresents Jesus’ Power and Purpose
Jesus knew Judas’ heart and allowed the betrayal for a higher purpose. But Jesus was never a powerless victim trapped by circumstance. He was sovereign and in control. He didn’t stop Judas because the plan of salvation required it—not because He was helpless. Jesus is unique; you are not called to replicate His sacrifice by tolerating harm.
4. It Ignores Scripture on Boundaries and Accountability
Paul instructs believers to avoid unrepentant evildoers, not dine with them (1 Corinthians 5:11). Scripture calls us to expose darkness, protect the vulnerable, and maintain holy boundaries (Ephesians 5:3-11). Forgiveness is powerful, but it is not a license to tolerate ongoing sin or abuse.
What Healthy Forgiveness Looks Like
True forgiveness is freeing. It releases bitterness but does not require forcing fellowship or ignoring harm. Forgiveness and boundaries are partners, not enemies. You can forgive someone’s offense and still protect yourself from their proximity and toxicity.
A Call to the Church
It’s time to stop glorifying “forgiveness” at the expense of survivors’ well-being. Stop weaponizing grace to guilt people into staying in damaging relationships. Jesus’ love is restorative, but it’s also redemptive justice—it calls out sin and stands for healing.
You are not Judas. You don’t have to dine with betrayal to prove your faith. You don’t owe your peace to someone who chooses to hurt you. Protect your heart, practice grace, and embrace freedom.
With grace and grit,
Nesha
